Well, the basement, anyway.

Last week we managed to gain access to the sub-basement of the hospital by the stratagem of waiting for the receptionist to go to the loo, and sneaking down the back while she was distracted.

But there’s a lore dump

While we were waiting, we were joined by Thauvia who told us she had just spent a wonderful time sailing about on the Dreadnaught causing chaos up and down the coasts of Lamordia. Somehow The Captain had wrangled that into 5 writs for every crew member, the silver-tongued bastard.

This is what they got them for

Brokered a truce between two rival merchants in Ludendorf, preventing an all out dockworkers’ strike, rewarded with a civic mediation writ.
Used the Dreadnaught to tow a storm damaged cargo barge into harbour before it sank, gaining a harbour master’s commendation writ.
Ferried an important University administrator across treacherous waters during a fog bank when all other captains refused, earning a University access writ.
Hired by Ivan to kill a couple Baytown Lycanthropes who were supposedly preying on children in the causeway, they were in fact night guards keeping watch to see if they could discern the murders of their people. (Prior to main party involvement
Entered the Dreadnaught in a naval gunnery competition near Schloss Cutter, winning a prize writ for discounted ammunition and powder.

In addition, for some reason, we got a comprehensive list of what you can get from the University Theses department.

First, ground rules:

Items cannot be removed from the archives, so a person will need the writ to access the university thesis archive to make use of these.
They take a while to sink in, so any given person can only benefit from this once every few sessions.

Here is a full listing of available papers

The Stoic's Body: An Essay - Gain advantage on exhaustion saving throws
Meditations on Mental Fortitude - Gain proficiency in Wisdom saving throws
On the Resilience of Body and Mind - Gain proficiency in Constitution saving throws
The Duelist's Reflexes - Gain proficiency in Dexterity saving throws
On Bending Without Breaking - Gain proficiency in Strength saving throws
The Diplomat's Final Defence - Gain proficiency in Charisma saving throws
Arcane Resistance: A Scholarly Approach - Gain proficiency in Intelligence saving throws
The Stoic's Handbook on Death - Gain a +2 bonus to death saving throws permanently
Treatise on Tactical Archery: +1 Dexterity.
Manual of Mighty Blows: +1 Strength.
Codex of Quick Reflexes: +1 Dexterity.
Volume of Vigorous Vitality: +1 Constitution.
Guide to Graceful Movement: +1 Dexterity.
Handbook of Hardy Heartiness: +1 Constitution.
Scroll of Scholarly Insight: +1 Intelligence.
Compendium of Creative Thinking: +1 Intelligence.
Tome of Tenacious Will: +1 Wisdom.
Ledger of Lucid Perception: +1 Wisdom.
Journal of Jovial Presence: +1 Charisma.
Record of Resolute Leadership: +1 Charisma.
Study of Swift Footwork: Training in Acrobatics.
Manual of Martial Meditation: Training in Athletics.
Guide to Gleeful Gambits: Training in Deception.
Codex of Careful Observation: Training in Investigation.
Handbook of Healing Hands: Training in Medicine.
Treatise on Tenacious Tracking: Training in Survival.
Volume of Vocal Performance: Training in Performance.
Scroll of Silent Steps: Training in Stealth.
Compendium of Crafty Crafting: Training in Sleight of Hand.
Ledger of Linguistic Lore: Training in History.
Journal of Judicial Judgement: Training in Insight.
Record of Religious Rites: Training in Religion.
Study of Arcane Affairs: Training in Arcana.
Manual of Nature’s Ways: Training in Nature.
Guide to Gear Maintenance: Expertise in Athletics.
Codex of Clever Conversation: Expertise in Persuasion.
Tome of Tenacious Tactics: Expertise in Insight.
Handbook of Hardy Healing: Expertise in Medicine.
Volume of Vigilant Watching: Expertise in Perception.
Scroll of Strategic Planning: Expertise in Investigation.
Compendium of Combat Craft: Expertise in Martial Arts (weapon proficiency).
Ledger of Loyal Leadership: Expertise in Intimidation.
Journal of Jovial Jests: Expertise in Performance.
Record of Relentless Running: Expertise in Acrobatics.
Study of Spellcraft Studies: Expertise in Arcana.
Manual of Mountain Marches: Expertise in Survival.
Guide to Grim Gambits: Expertise in Deception.
Codex of Careful Cooking: Learn a new language (Common).
Tome of Tongue Twisting: Learn a new language (Elvish).
Handbook of Halfling Humour: Learn a new language (Halfling).
Volume of Verdant Vocals: Learn a new language (Sylvan).
Scroll of Scorpion Speech: Learn a new language (Draconic).
Compendium of Cryptic Codes: Learn a new language (Abyssal).
Ledger of Lunar Lullabies: Learn a new language (Celestial).
Journal of Jungle Jargon: Learn a new language (Goblin).
Record of Rune Readings: Learn a new language (Dwarvish).
Study of Stellar Symbols: Learn a new language (Primordial).
Manual of Martial Mastery: Learn a new weapon proficiency (Longsword).
Guide to Guerrilla Glaives: Learn a new weapon proficiency (Glaive).
Codex of Crossbow Craft: Learn a new weapon proficiency (Hand Crossbow).
Tome of Trident Tactics: Learn a new weapon proficiency (Trident).
Handbook of Halberd Handling: Learn a new weapon proficiency (Halberd).
Volume of Vicious Whips: Learn a new weapon proficiency (Whip).
Compendium of Cover: Increase AC by one.
Volume of Vigorous Vitality: Increase hit points by 1d6.
Volume of Victorious Vitality: Learn a Feat (Alert).
Scroll of Swift Striker: Learn a Feat (Mobile).
Compendium of Combat Expertise: Learn a Feat (Great Weapon Master).
Ledger of Lethal Accuracy: Learn a Feat (Sharpshooter).
Journal of Juggernaut’s Might: Learn a Feat (Savage Attacker).
Record of Resilient Defender: Learn a Feat (Tough).
Study of Spellward Secrets: Learn a Feat (War Caster).
Manual of Mystic Insight: Learn a Feat (Ritual Caster).
Guide to Grim Guard: Learn a Feat (Shield Master).
Codex of Clever Combatant: Learn a Feat (Dual Wielder).
Tome of Tactical Advantage: Learn a Feat (Crossbow Expert).
Handbook of Heavy Hitter: Learn a Feat (Polearm Master).
Volume of Vicious Vanguard: Learn a Feat (Sentinel).
Scroll of Speedy Scout: Learn a Feat (Observant).
Compendium of Charismatic Command: Learn a Feat (Inspiring Leader).
Ledger of Lucky Lunge: Learn a Feat (Lucky).
Journal of Juggled Journeys: Learn a Feat (Actor).
Record of Rapid Recovery: Learn a Feat (Healer).
Study of Steady Shot: Learn a Feat (Crossbow Expert).
Manual of Mighty Maneuvers: Learn a Feat (Grappler).
Guide to Grim Gambits: Learn a Feat (Skill Expert).
Codex of Concentrated Casting: Learn a Feat (Spell Sniper).
Tome of Tenacious Training: Learn a Feat (Athlete).
Handbook of Hardy Healing: Learn a Feat (Healer).
Volume of Vigorous Voyage: Learn a Feat (Traveler).
Scroll of Stealthy Steps: Learn a Feat (Skulker).
Compendium of Combat Casting: Learn a Feat (War Caster).
Ledger of Linguistic Learning: Learn a Feat (Linguist).
Journal of Jovial Journeyman: Learn a Feat (Keen Mind).
Record of Resolute Resolve: Learn a Feat (Resilient).
Study of Stalwart Shield: Learn a Feat (Shield Master).
Manual of Muscle Memory: Learn a Feat (Mobile).
Guide to Gleeful Guidance: Learn a Feat (Inspiring Leader).
Codex of Clever Counter: Learn a Feat (Defensive Duelist).
Tome of Tactical Training: Learn a Feat (Weapon Master).
Handbook of Heroic Havoc: Learn a Feat (Charger).
Volume of Vicious Vanguard: Learn a Feat (Great Weapon Master).
Scroll of Shielded Sanctuary: Learn a Feat (Mounted Combatant).
Compendium of Coordinated Combat: Learn a Feat (Polearm Master).
Ledger of Luminous Lore: Learn a Feat (Observant).
Journal of Juggernaut’s Justice: Learn a Feat (Sentinel).
Record of Rapid Reflexes: Learn a Feat (Alert).
Study of Steady Stance: Learn a Feat (Heavy Armour Master).
Manual of Mighty Metrics: Learn a Feat (Lightly Armoured).
Guide to Grim Guarding: Learn a Feat (Medium Armour Master).
Codex of Concentrated Conjuring: Learn a Feat (Ritual Caster).
Tome of Tenacious Tactics: Learn a Feat (Sharpshooter).
Handbook of Hardy Harvest: Learn a Feat (Healer).
Volume of Verdant Vigor: Learn a Feat (Herbalism Kit proficiency).
Scroll of Silent Stalking: Learn a Feat (Skulker).
Compendium of Combat Casting: Learn a Feat (War Caster).
Ledger of Linguistic Learning: Learn a Feat (Linguist).
Journal of Jovial Journeys: Learn a Feat (Actor).
Record of Resolute Recovery: Learn a Feat (Healer).
Study of Stalwart Survival: Learn a Feat (Tough).
Manual of Muscle Mastery: Learn a Feat (Athlete).
Guide to Gleeful Guidance: Learn a Feat (Inspiring Leader).
Codex of Clever Counter: Learn a Feat (Defensive Duelist).
Tome of Tactical Training: Learn a Feat (Weapon Master).
Handbook of Heroic Havoc: Learn a Feat (Charger).
Volume of Vicious Vanguard: Learn a Feat (Savage Attacker).
Scroll of Shielded Sanctuary: Learn a Feat (Mounted Combatant).
Compendium of Coordinated Combat: Learn a Feat (Polearm Master).
Ledger of Luminous Lore: Learn a Feat (Observant).
Journal of Juggernaut’s Justice: Learn a Feat (Sentinel).
Record of Rapid Reflexes: Learn a Feat (Alert).
Study of Steady Stance: Learn a Feat (Heavy Armour Master).
Manual of Mighty Metrics: Learn a Feat (Lightly Armoured).
Guide to Grim Guarding: Learn a Feat (Medium Armour Master).
Codex of Concentrated Conjuring: Learn a Feat (Ritual Caster).
Tome of Tenacious Tactics: Learn a Feat (Sharpshooter).
Handbook of Hardy Harvest: Learn a Feat (Healer).
Volume of Verdant Vigor: Learn a Feat (Herbalism Kit proficiency).
Scroll of Silent Stalking: Learn a Feat (Skulker).
Compendium of Combat Casting: Learn a Feat (War Caster).
Ledger of Linguistic Learning: Learn a Feat (Linguist).
Journal of Jovial Journeys: Learn a Feat (Actor).
Record of Resolute Recovery: Learn a Feat (Healer).
Study of Stalwart Survival: Learn a Feat (Tough).
Manual of Muscle Mastery: Learn a Feat (Athlete).
Guide to Gleeful Guidance: Learn a Feat (Inspiring Leader).
Codex of Clever Counter: Learn a Feat (Defensive Duelist).
Tome of Tactical Training: Learn a Feat (Weapon Master).
Handbook of Heroic Havoc: Learn a Feat (Charger).
Volume of Vicious Vanguard: Learn a Feat (Savage Attacker).
Scroll of Shielded Sanctuary: Learn a Feat (Mounted Combatant).
Compendium of Coordinated Combat: Learn a Feat (Polearm Master).
Ledger of Luminous Lore: Learn a Feat (Observant).
Journal of Juggernaut’s Justice: Learn a Feat (Sentinel).
Record of Rapid Reflexes: Learn a Feat (Alert).
Study of Steady Stance: Learn a Feat (Heavy Armour Master).
Manual of Mighty Metrics: Learn a Feat (Lightly Armoured).
Guide to Grim Guarding: Learn a Feat (Medium Armour Master).
Codex of Concentrated Conjuring: Learn a Feat (Ritual Caster).
Tome of Tenacious Tactics: Learn a Feat (Sharpshooter).
Handbook of Hardy Harvest: Learn a Feat (Healer).
Volume of Verdant Vigor: Learn a Feat (Herbalism Kit proficiency).
Scroll of Silent Stalking: Learn a Feat (Skulker).

This is the TLDR listing

+1 to any attribute.
Add +1 to any saving throw.
Proficiency in a saving throw.
Gain resistance to a damage type of your choice.
Learn to cast one cantrip from any spell list.
Gain advantage on initiative rolls.
Gain the ability to reroll a natural 1 on an attack roll once per day.
Gain the ability to use your reaction to impose disadvantage on an attack against you once per short rest.
Increase your AC by 1 when you are mounted
Increase your movement speed by 5 feet.
Increase your spell attack bonus by 1.
Increase your spellcasting DC by 1
Gain advantage on exhaustion saving throws
Training in any skill.
Expertise in an already learned skill
Learn a new language
Learn a new weapon proficiency
Increase AC by one.
Increase hit points by 1d6.
Learn a Feat

Back to the basement

The sub-basement tunnels were quite cramped, so Wit and Raymond, our really big party members, remained up top. They were tracking the progress of the party overland as best they could, staying within 120’ so Wit could talk to everyone.

This tunnel is wet and stinky.

Louie starts us off by following the tracks in the basement. Someone has been moving heavy loads down here on trolleys. The loading area that the tracks lead to is empty now, but shows distinct signs of having been used to hold prisoners. There are scratches on the walls, and the place reeks of stale sweat, fear, and excrement. We find a scrap of a manifest with Gedding’s signature on it.

Further down the tunnel, we see the boiler room in the distance, but Louie gets suddenly nervous because he could swear that the floor tile depressed when he stepped on it. He’s been an adventurer long enough to know that means he sprang a trap, but nothing happened.

Rusty levers the tile up to look underneath, and sure enough, there are pneumatic pipes leading away in three different directions, but without tearing up the floors and walls to see where they go, there’s no way to tell what they do.

We move a little further along, and Ethan asks (suspiciously) how many of the party members don’t need to breathe. Everyone says they do need to breathe, because Dennis isn’t there, and Jim isn’t there, and everyone forgot about Horus. Ethan should have also asked who was immune to poison, because that would have been Louie. In any case, for no reason, the entire party has to make CON saves a little later, which we all make magnificently. Then a few rounds later, we make our saves magnificently again. If it wasn’t for the Duergar we run into, we would never have known what that flagstone triggered.

What Duergar? Friedrich, the 52 year old maintenance worker who we meet coming in the opposite direction. Cleetus, who is up front, takes this opportunity to wheel out this parties trademarked ruse, the OH&S team. He sympathizes with Friedrich’s predicament, and we assure him that his only concern is the maintenance standard - which so far, has been excellent. Any hazards that fall foul of OH&S laws are the problem of the managers who directed their construction. Friedrich turns out to be very helpful, and even turns off the paralytic gas that is now filling the tunnels. (So that’s what the flagstone did!)

The secret tunnels are much nicer

After seeing Friedrich off, we head past the boiler to the door we know about from the map in Volmer’s office. The door in question is heavily locked, with very clearly and aggressively worded warnings telling us to stay out. We’d be very worried if we could read.

Cleetus uses the key we found in Volmer’s office to unlock the door, and when we open it, both Cleetus and Rusty are caught in the trap as the doors swing from a central hinge like a Venus fly trap to smash us. Hmm. It didn’t hurt that much, and Rusty takes a moment to look at the mechanism. Luckily for us, the makers of the trap were a bit too clever, and instead of just opening the wrong way, they made the doors operate differently depending on how you operated the handle. Use the handle normally - get smashed. Operate the handle in the wrong direction, and the doors open normally. Cackling evilly, Rusty turns the handle mechanism over, so if you use the handle normally, the door works normally, but if you use it the secret way, you get smashed.

This will become important later.

Beyond the trapped doors is a vestibule opening onto a well maintained, hygienically clean laboratory corridor. In the vestibule, however, there are delivery crates with radioactivity warnings, and steam coming out of them. Rusty is briefly distracted and really wants to look inside, but the other party members strongly dissuade him from that course of action. This is lucky, because once he has been de-nerd-sniped, he remembers the password - “progress”. “Progress” says Rusty. “Progress?” says Cleetus. “Thank you for authorization. Deactivating security mechanisms” says Siri. Ooo, that’s cool. Rusty might come back here to steal that central AI.

Where did this guy come from?

Horus takes the lead heading further in, which shocks the hell out of the rest of the party, who had all forgotten he was there. As he walks, his skin bubbles and a bit of Zublilex drips out and mutters a typically cryptic statement: “Do you feel it, my vessel? The pulse beneath the stone, the taste of the unseen? The walls here drink the living. My servant waits shapeless, silent, patient. Its hunger is my own. Be aware to not touch what is mine. It waits. Invisible. Hungry. Horus them comes back to himself and hawks a gob of Zubilex up. Gross, dude!

Rusty was willing to write it off as typical useless cryptic nonsense, but it turns out Zubilex was actually being helpful for a change. Invisible, until our attention was drawn to it, there is a gelatinous cube partially filling the hallway. It’s an Acrobatics check to squeeze past. Cleetus, Thauvia and Louie all scoff at such a trivial requirement and flit past, pirouetting and doing back flips.

Rusty is not so happy. This kind of shit is why he was never in any of the sports teams. With a sinking sense of doom, he rolls his acrobatics check, looking mournfully at his measly +1.

Natural 20, baby!

So that turned out to be easy, and the gelatinous cube lets out a mournful whimper as we leave it behind.

Where Ethan learns to be nastier

At the end of the hall is a door with 4 locks. Rusty looks carefully at them, and is informed by Ethan that all 4 need to be unlocked to open the door. Scott gives him a quick lesson on being evil - “If it were me, you would have to unlock three of them, but one would already be unlocked, so if you just picked all three, the door would still be locked. And the last one would explode if you even tried to pick it.”

So we’ve got that to look forward to.

Rusty picks the first lock easily, and when he moves on to the next one, he hears the bolt of the first one clunking back into place. They’re timed locks, and they have to be opened simultaneously.

Or do they? Rusty asks if they are pin and barrel locks, because if they are, then he could pick one, leave a tension bar in it, and have one of the other party members hold the tension, preventing it re-locking, while Rusty worked through the others. Ethan asks “What? A Pin and Carbunkle what? What are you talking about?” So we have to just have each party member pick one of the locks each. Sigh.

Astoundingly, we all succeed.

So come on up to the lab!

Beyond the very secure door is a nightmarish laboratory. Operating tables with built-in restraints, preservative tanks with bodies in various stages of disassembly, the odor of formaldehyde and death. There doesn’t appear to be anyone here, so we search the area comprehensively.

The tables are designed for neural surgery, specifically on living subjects.

We find detailed logs of each subject that was experimented on, where they came from, what was done to them, and how they died.

We find manuals detailing how to create the preservative compounds, paralytic agents and neural stimulants they have been using.

One of the preservative tanks contains the remains of a female rock gnome who bears a familial similarity to Otto Brenner.

And see what’s on the slab!

Thauvia, who has been standing in the background and feeling a bit superfluous, releases her pent-up aggression by punching a wall so hard it collapses and reveals a hidden cell. Inside the cell is Josef Richter, Helena’s cousin. He is near death, mind broken, begging for death. Louie starts the process of healing him using Lay on Hands. He recovers enough to accompany us, and the party decides it is time to escort Josef to safety.

We form up in marching order: Rusty, then Cleetus, then Louie with Josef, Thauvia, and Rusty bringing up the rear.

Wait, what?

Cleetus looks at Rusty in front of him, and spins back to Rusty behind him - then Rusty behind him blurs forward to Louie, who also goes blurry. Louie takes damage, and as our vision clears, there’s 2 Louies. Combat is about to ensue (and we were going to smear that guy), but a voice rings out “Stop! Don’t hurt him! We’re in love!”

That was weird enough that everyone stops and looks at Emily Bollenbach. She, as it transpires, is a medical student employed in this facility, but she has been progressively more concerned about what they are doing here. Seemingly, she was fine murdering ordinary people, but she has some sort of weird Doppelganger fetish and fell in love with DopDop. Now she comes over all noble. Not noble enough to do anything herself, or even be a whistle blower - but noble enough to take advantage of our actions and flee with her lover as the hammer comes down.

Rusty is a bit sickened by this, but he’s just disconcerted enough to hold his peace when he notes that DopDop has a Telepathic Shroud. The only creatures that have that ability are Flumphs. Initially Rusty thought that maybe DopDop was one of his parents, wearing a suit of armour like he was - except their suit is biological instead of mechanical. This turned out not to be the case, but obviously Xal’ytith has been here.

Making our escape

Well, Emily and DopDop’s escape, the moral cowards. Emily tells us of a secret exit from the tunnels that leads to a disused part of the docks. She has not been able to use it to escape, because one of Volmer’s lab assistants - Werner Scholz - has a room right by the exit, and he’s a fanatic.

So we escort them there, and come across Werner, a nerdy weakling. He is a bit fanatical, though - he keeps yelling about how they are making important scientific progress the whole time Cleetus chokes him out. Once he is subdued, we strap him to one of the operating tables that we rip off its moorings. We attach straps to the other side, and Thauvia wears it like a backpack. Werner wakes up at some point, so we have to gag him using Cleetus’ socks. The dirty ones.

Emily and DopDop head down the tunnel, and Wit arranges for The Captain to sail The Dreadnaught to where they will emerge. They promise to stay on The Dreadnaught, and to come and testify if we ever get all this inside a courtroom.

With a side trip for a denouement

As we exit the facility, we stumble across an office, containing Volmer and 2 Helmed Horrors. He is genteel and quite willing to bribe the crap out of us. He also offers to throw his other 2 co-conspirators, Gedding and Krause, under the bus. Cleetus won’t shake on it though, but instead goes in for a hug. Cleetus is a hugger. Volmer responds by shooting all four of us. Well, missing all four of us. The ricochets killed both Helmed Horrors. Smooth, idiot.

Cleetus pins Volmer down and we tie him up. We’re deciding between the merits of making some sort of baby carrier for Thauvia, or just turning Volmer upside down and tying him to Werner, 69 style. Thauvia takes offense at being no more than a pack horse, though. Our plan B is vacillating between which of the other party members should carry him, but this turns out to be unnecessary. We hear the approach of four of Lamordia’s constabulary. Leading them is Senior Constable Voss, a stern woman with steel grey hair and a surname suspiciously similar to one of the victims.

S.C. Voss has been informed by a mutual acquaintance (Otto) that the party might be here, and to provide assistance. Thankfully all four of the constables have made it down into the tunnels without injury. This tells Rusty that they did not know the trick of the door, and are therefore not a part of the conspiracy. We knew that would come in handy!

After both parties identify each other to our mutual satisfaction (why does that sound dirty?), S.R. Voss escorts us all back to the law courts and the cells, where Volmer and Werner are to be incarcerated. On the way, Rusty telepathically informs Voss of the demise of her relative, and expresses the parties condolences.

Lock em up, Danno!

At the courts, we divest ourselves of our captives, and meet up with Otto to prepare our prosecution. Helena arrives and tearfully greets Josef. She pays the party an additional 500 Lamode and one writ. Otto gives Cleetus one writ, and assigns legal defence rights to the rest of the party.

The case of the century

Dramatis Personae

Barnabus, defense attorney. A smiling assassin, and I’m pretty sure he is bribing or blackmailing the jury. Played by Dan.
Rock Left, prosecuting attorney. Looks like a guy off Suits. All show, little substance. Played by Zoe.
Jess Lockett, prosecuting attorney. Around 50, Jess was a police officer for a highly decorated career before specializing in prosecution. She has a long chain of scumbags put behind bars. Played by Scott.

Note: Zoe would like to express her objection to Scott’s character on the basis of identity theft.

Charges

Unlawful acquisition of flesh rights.
Unlawful acquisition of bodies.
Unlawful imprisonment.
Experimentation on unwilling human subjects.
Murder.
Corruption of the Mail.
Destruction of Lamordia Police Department property.
Attempted Bribery.

Process

At the end of each point made, the defense and the prosecution will roll a d20. If Ethan believes that one side did better than the other, he will grant that side advantage. Whoever rolls better wins that round. First to seven wins, and for some reason the defense starts with one.

Which is ridiculous - this ends up being a dice game. Why are we even talking?

Opening remarks

The prosecution started with an impassioned plea by Jess Lockett: “We will show that the defendants knowingly embarked on a premeditated series of illegal acts, attempted to hide their crimes, and in doing so committed multiple acts of fraud, kidnapping, false imprisonment, torture, vivisection, and finally, murder. The defense will attempt to obfuscate the truth, crying ‘Circumstantial!’ at every opportunity. I would remind you all, that the standard of proof for this case is the balance of the evidence. The defendants have repeatedly, if poorly, attempted to cover their tracks. I am confident that the wisdom of the courts, and the intelligence of our jurors, will see through their childish attempts to hide their hideous crimes.”

Barnabus responded for the defense: “My client is not a monster, he is a man of science. And what is our nation if not a nation of science? To attempt to impede the process of science with ethical concerns is to undermine the nations very foundations! My client should be lauded, not hounded by small minds!” Psst! What? Hold on, what? What do you mean I’m supposed to be defending all three of them? That wrecks my whole strategy! Your honour, the defense requests a recess!

On the case of Unlawful Acquisition of flesh rights.

The prosecution shows the contracts found in the university, and shows that they were all signed by Gedding, who is by law not allowed to sign flesh rights contracts.

The defense claims the documentation may have been forged.

We run out of time and roll - defense wins.

Next week we will re-visit this.

We never got to draw the jury’s attention to the copies of the contracts registered with the records office, whose provenance is unquestionable.