Team Strongth 3 - The Search for Dennis (& Louie)

The team prepares to venture to the Astral Plane, to rescue Dennis & Louie who have been lost due to the criminal negligence of Krampus.

Rusty decides to be prepared, and works very hard to create a tuning fork that will allow him to Plane Shift back to Mordent. This turns out to be utterly useless, due to the head-canon of Ethan that completely turns all of D&D planar history on its head, but good try Rusty. He also brings 3 un-tuned forks, that he can align to other planes if he gets the chance.

While we are preparing, we also arrange to ship the output of the salt mines to Mizzium, who should be able to use it to resurrect more villagers. In addition, Rusty has finished the prosthetic teeth commission Dennis placed with him, so those are going along in case we ever do find him. This is a modified Bloodshed Blade. It does not have the invokable rune, but does have the bonus to damage rolls. In addition, it has poison reservoirs built in - 2 doses of poison per side (fang). Each side has a separate reservoir, so you can load 2 different poisons at once - 2 doses each. Alternatively, you can load the same poison on both sides, giving 4 doses of that poison.

Meanwhile, on the Astral

Dennis and Louie are extruded onto the Astral Plane. They are in separate locations - neither can see the other, nor can they see Krampus anywhere.

Louie makes an Arcana roll and is simply informed “You are feeling as though you are drying out.” Good roll, Louie.

Dennis makes an Arcana roll and gets a massive Astral Plane lore dump.

Astral Plane information

The Astral Plane is an infinite, silvery void where thought becomes reality and the very laws of physics bend to willpower. Often called the Astral Sea, this realm connects the Material Plane to the divine Outer Planes, serving as a boundless space where gods built fortresses for themselves in the distant past, predating the creation of the divine planes. Over time, these fortresses were abandoned and fell into ruin, or were destroyed, gradually breaking apart into island‑sized chunks of divine masonry.

The astral plane was the first realm, a void containing all other planes. Within it sat a fountainhead that poured out matter and magic for creating the divine realms, mortal world, and other planes. Only spiritual beings could survive here.

When the fountainhead was destroyed, its fragments scattered across the astral plane as stars. Each fragment became a gateway to the Far Realm, leaking corrupt, alien magic into existence.

The gods built divine realms to shield themselves from this corruption and created the mortal world with similar (though weaker) protections. Meanwhile, aberrant creatures like mind flayers and aboleth thrived in the corrupted spaces between divine planes, building vast empires.

To protect mortal souls from enslavement by these aberrations, the gods created the Firmament, a network linking all divine planes and the mortal world. This divine pathway was immune to Far Realm attacks and channeled dead souls directly to their deities. Empowered by this steady flow of souls, the gods intensified their fight against the Far Realm's influence.

The best option to escape the Astral is to find an Astral Color Pool, many of them are only one way, from the Astral Plane to whatever their destination is, though some allow creatures to travel back and forth between them. These Color Pools can be found throughout the Astral Plane and have different colors to reflect where they are going. A few examples are: The Abyss - Amethyst, Nine Hells - Ruby, Mechanus - Diamond Blue, and the Material Plane has a silver pool, though that is only if you are seeing a portal to your Material Plane. If you are looking at a different Material Plane’s portal, like Eberron or Oerth, it will appear as a different metallic color like copper or gold.

Movement

There is no up or down, no air to breathe, and no resistance to slow you.

Movement through the Astral Plane operates entirely through mental concentration rather than physical locomotion. When you wish to travel, simply focus on your desired direction and your body drifts accordingly, moving at a speed determined by the clarity of your thoughts. Intelligence Check based on difficulty of action. You want to move 200ft in a single turn that would be an Int check of 23. Want to move 30ft. Int check of 10. etc.

That’s how you make an Arcana roll, Louie.

Dennis has dodge

Dennis learns how to do this Astral movement really soon, as he is apparently targeted by an arrow that was fired by a God before humans started swinging from trees, let alone climbing out of them. What are the odds? 1/2 of a millionth of fuck all, but here we are. He has to dodge hundreds of feet just to get out of the path, which tells us the arrow is at least double that in diameter. He manages it. A good thing too - this was apparently “The Sundering Shot”, and is designed to kill the God Gruumsh. Correlon can’t shoot for shit.

After dodging, he gets back to the serious business of searching for either Louie or, more importantly, Louie’s stuff. He doesn’t find any, but he does find a shower of gold coins, a staff, a blank scroll with whale patterns, and a dead wizard holding a pot of petunias. He notes that he is getting real Heart of Gold vibes here, and Ethan decides that Scott doesn’t get his Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy reference because he hasn’t read the books, and doesn’t know that the Heart of Gold was the ship with the Infinite Improbability Drive that causes the whale and the pot of petunias to come into existence in the first place. Read a book, Ethan.

Other random Dennis encounters - he spies two Ravens flying along and immediately recognises them as Huginn and Muninn, which Ethan cannot believe. This is what reading books gets you, Ethan. He sees another whale, but this one is a bit Eldritch. He also spies the body of a dead god, slowly regenerating, and he is sorely tempted to go and eat a piece of that, but resists temptation.

Lastly he gets shot at by Lord Godfrey, the dark lord we first killed in Mordent. After charging at him behind the convenient corpse of a Wizard holding a pot of petunias, it turns out he wasn’t shooting to kill, but rather to attract notice. Dennis has a lovely dinner at his castle overnight. Lord Godfrey is not upset, and actually rather pleased we freed him. Dennis learns from Godfrey that there is a pair of female Grung somewhere around here that have visited him in the past - he thinks their names are Francesca and Kristen. They were last seen heading East, away from the city of the Githyanki. Dennis decides to head in the same direction, in the hope that plot contrivance will lead Louie in the same direction.

When Dennis leaves, he allows Lord Godfrey to use 10 of his Ki points to do something, which turned out to be upgrade his Wraps of Unarmed Prowess from +1 to +3. Nice! Thanks, Godfrey!

Dennis heads east, away from the Githyanki city, in the direction the Grung went. He immediately comes across Tu’narath, the Githyanki capital. Because of course he does. He takes careful note of where it is, in case that information is saleable.

Louie is now really, truly banned from the table.

Louie finds a coin, and that’s about all he gets to do before the spirit of the dead GodBrain comes thundering along and psychic blasts him to within 1 HP of dead. Now, I know from Ethan’s notes that he was supposed to attack Louie twice before fleeing from Githyanki raiders. He was also supposed to flee if Louie imagined feeblemind moss, which is, of course, exactly what Louie does. With a natural 20. Then he also makes the contested roll to get to act before the GodBrain, and also hits it square in the kisser with said moss. And it fails its save.

Now Louie has a pet GodBrain, and Ethan has a complex. Louie then immediately runs into Franceska and Kristen, who are his birth mother and adoptive mother respectively. It’s a heart-wrenching scene, and they have Raymond with them.

The main party

Thanks to Cletus’, the party have the foresight to tightly hold hands as they enter the Astral, and thanks to some successful rolls, are not separated. They are immediately accosted by a Mormon on a Chicken. They are given a pamphlet.

The One True Chicken

The One True Chicken is abundance given law, and law made kind.

Her faithful do not hoard; they measure.

Her faithful do not waste; they portion.

Her faithful do not starve others; they build stores and set rules for fair feeding.

Three Simple Laws of Feeding

• Feed the hungry first, by rule, not by mood.
• Store grain in shared measure, recorded and witnessed.
• Waste nothing fit to eat; what cannot be eaten becomes offering.

A Sign of True Ministry

Look for the platinum egg and the vow spoken aloud.

Where the egg is raised, shelter is offered, disputes are weighed, and the starving are counted.

It is at this point that Rusty absent-mindedly touches his Amulet of the Planes, and recognises that it is inert in this place. Information is imparted to him about Astral Colour Portals, and he becomes aware that Red is likely associated with a portal to the Nine Hells. Firstly, make a damn Arcana check dude. Check out what Dennis learned, without your fancy book-learnin’ and amulet. Second, Rusty is far less concerned by this than Ethan expected. Rusty is kind enough to explain his lack of concern - sure, the amulet may not work here, and the tuning fork may not be usable. Here. But step through one of these colour portals - any colour portal, but ideally one that goes to a less hostile location than the Nine Hells - and you’ll be somewhere that the Amulet does work. From there, it’s a quick Plane Shift home. This was done, less to show Ethan how clever he was, but rather to give Ethan the opportunity to figure out why he isn’t going to allow that to work. Otherwise, Ethan will have to come up with something on the fly, and that will take time and probably be less well thought out.

Meanwhile, the party is being sporadically bombarded with random items - some from Louie’s portable hole, some new. Horus gets a Book of Rituals, written in Deep Speech. Thankfully he is Deep Speech literate. It contains rituals for:

• Demon Summoning, but you need to know their true name.
• Sacrifice a mortal to double your own power for one day.
• Sacrifice 2500gp to freely rearrange your skills.

Rusty gets 2 dragon testicles and a gods boner.

The second coming of Fucktail

We come across all the Harendon that died when the Illithids attacked their home, including fan favourite Fucktail! It is a touching reunion. They prevail upon us to settle a dispute between 3 spirits a rock over who are arguing loudly into the night. Apparently one husband died young, the wife remarried, and they’re all here now arguing about marital rights.

OK, first, she’s not property, assholes. Second, what is wrong with you people? Settle in for some menage a trois, or at least work out a roster. After extensive conversation, Horus convinces the woman to be shot of both the blokes, and move to Selune’s afterlife in the hope of some hot Lycanthrope on Elf action. I can see the Mills & Boon cover now.