Lamordia
Session 39 - The return of ... Horus
Turtles all the way down
The party follows the town guard of Mordentshire towards Landle Cross, which is roughly 8 miles away. Should take 4 hours, more or less. The guard of Mordentshire is OK to be away from his post for the next 8 hours, right?
As we go, various incongruities are noticed. Where before, the area was devoted to corn farming, now there is nary a stalk of corn to be seen. Obviously the farmers forgot to tassel their crop last spring?
In its place are Eggplants as far as the eye can see. The farmers here really have no idea of supply and demand economics. There is a near-infinite supply of Eggplant here, and nobody wants to eat them if they can help it.
In any case, we note that the climate is completely wrong for eggplant anyway. At least, according to Ethan. Funnily enough, in the real world, both corn and eggplant thrive in warm sunny environments. In a world with magic, however, emotional resonance should mean that eggplant cannot grow anywhere except certain particularly vicious circles of Hell.
While wandering, Rusty remembers having seen Cletus in the future/past of Burrowdale, and wonders if there has been any causative effects on Cletus’ family. He sends Minion to investigate. Minion flies over to the Cletus homestead and lands on the roof. He observes many of Cletus’ siblings working around the farm, but does not spot Cletus or his parents. He jumps down in front of the door and notices that initially, the door seemed perfectly smooth, but as soon as he looked at it, it became textured and more intricately coloured. Rusty immediately notices and deduces that the “reality” they are in is rendered, and the processing system is saving resources by only rendering things in detail on demand.
Minion opens the door and Rusty advises him to watch the walls carefully for progressive detailing. He does, but what he notices is Cletus’ Mum, standing at the stove with her back to him, making gumbo. On the wall is a painting of Cletus at the time of his demise in Hara’kir. Rusty notes that this is odd for two reasons. First, why would you want that in your home, but more importantly, how did they know how Cletus died? The members of the party were the only people that observed that, and this is the first time we have returned to Mordent since then.
Rusty relays this to the party, and everyone starts getting very suspicious. The guard that was leading us sighs, turns toward the party, then dissipates on a gust of wind. The world fades away, and the party finds itself still in Bluetspur.
Recycling mythology
In the distance we see the ruins of a city. As we approach, we recognise the characteristic architecture of a High Elven city, and we recognise it as Tharn. The silence surrounding the city is oppressive, the towers at the gate pulse with metallic purple light. Geometric shapes adorn the walls of the city, and atop the gates stands an enormous statue of an elvish god - Solonor Thelandria. The city has supposedly been cursed because Solonor got it on with Corellon Larethian’s wife, Melora. For some reason Corellon wasn’t happy when he found out and got all pissy about it. Louie and Rusty look at each other thinking they’ve heard this before, somewhere.
The tower pulses with energy, and everyone has to make CON saves. Dennis and Louie fail and take 44 psychic damage.
Everyone makes an arcana check, and we decipher the runes on the tower. They say “Danger - psychic overload region”. The Captain unlocks the gates and opens them. In the forecourt is an Arclight Phoenix.
Initiative! Rusty wins with 32, the The Captain on 31, Horus on 30, Dennis on 25, Louie and Raymond on 24, Gary on 21 and the Phoenix (who must have been asleep) on 16.
Rusty tries to talk to it, but the only response he gets is an unintelligible blast of racism, so we figure we’re all good to fuck this thing up. He shoots it with Lightning, which doesn’t go well. Not only is it immune, it reflects the arcs back at us. IT was at this point that the network to Rusty, Dennis, Louie and Raymond died, and we quickly relocated inside where it would work.
In the meantime, The Captain and Horus did some stuff.
When we return, Minion shoots the Phoenix with Shatter. Thunder damage is reduced.
Dennis goes all Devo on the thing and whips it good.
Louie mounts up on Raymond, and shoots the Phoenix with his bow. Raymond, who has no ranged attacks, holds his action.
The phoenix dives at the party, and Raymond hits it. He does 11 points of damage, but the electrical damage that he took from touching the phoenix does 10 to him, so we call it even.
On the first action of the second round of combat, Rusty shoots the phoenix with Chill Touch. The necrotic energy hits it at the base of one wing, rotting through the joint and slicing the wing off. The phoenix spirals out of control into the floor and dies.
Unexpectedly, there is an egg in the ashes of the remains. It must have been pregnant! The Captain scoops up the egg. The party finds a bag of 350 elven gold pieces, and five scrolls of Greater Restoration.
The party decides to finally have a long rest at this point, and Rusty whips out his mansion for everyone to chill in. Rusty, who is still suffering the after-effects of that wish that brought Dennis back (and will be for several days) chooses to stay in the mansion and rest and craft while everyone else continues without him.
Where Dennis starts to consider the merits of being an Echo Knight.
Beyond the forecourt, the walls open up to a bustling city. Bustling with ghosts, that is. They don’t behave like ghosts, though - they’re just going about their business, and a completely normal, if somewhat transparent manner. Horus notices a shopkeeper watching us, which is weird, so he goes over for a chat.
The shopkeeper is selling Legendary magic items for the low, low price of 175 elven gold pieces - so we can afford 2. The items are Gloves of Soul Catching, a Defender longsword, Armour of Invulnerability, and a Jester’s Mask. We buy the Gloves and the Defender.
Once our transaction is complete, the echoes of people past fade away like mists with the rising sun. The party moves on, and we pass a fountain filled with black water that reflects unnatural stars from its oily surface. We all resist the aura of Confusion, except for Rusty, who isn’t even there, and rolled by mistake. Sitting in his forge, he was very confused.
We enter a house, and within we see more echos of the past. The ghost of a young male elf writhes in pain, before falling back to his bed, comatose or dead. Then he rises, transformed into a Mind Flayer, and moves to his sisters bed, dragging her out and biting down on her head. The image fades, but the skeleton of the young female elf still remains in the now dusty bed.
The party move on from the house. Dennis’ is suffering from progressively worse headaches, and feels an urge to enter the temple of Corellon. We enter the temple. The architecture is awe-inspiring, but has been desecrated, and wisps of aberrant energy lick over the surfaces of the walls and altar. Dennis is starting to feel like all the aberrant energy is a personal affront, so he starts using his astral whip to beat it into oblivion. This triggers a memory:
The departure of Seldrid
The high temple of Corellon’s sacred atmosphere hums around them, ancient elven magic making the very air shimmer with divine energy. Dennis shifts uncomfortably beside Seldrid, watching his companion's jaw clench as the Archmage approaches with that expression authority figures get when they're about to ruin someone's day.
"You've been compromised," the Archmage declares, his voice carrying the weight of centuries. "Your research shows illithid influence. We can help you, but you must stop now."
Dennis feels his stomach drop. Oh shit, here we go.
Seldrid's laugh is sharp, bitter. "Compromised? You would hobble our greatest defense because of outdated taboos?"
Outdated taboos? Dennis stares at his companion in disbelief. He's calling "don't let brain-eaters influence you" an outdated taboo?
The Archmage's expression hardens. "Seldrid, listen to yourself. This is exactly what we're talking about—"
"What you're talking about," Seldrid interrupts, "is fear. Fear of progress. Fear of what we could become."
Dennis watches in horror as his best friend's eyes take on that fanatical gleam he's been seeing more and more lately.
"Please listen to them," Dennis says, I've seen the changes in you. This path leads to destruction."
The words hang in the sacred air like a curse. Seldrid turns slowly, and the look on his face makes Dennis's blood run cold. It's not anger – anger would be normal, expected even.
It's pity.
"Et tu my faithful chronicler?"
Dennis opens his mouth to say something – anything – but Seldrid steps forward and places a hand on his head with the kind of tenderness you'd show a confused child.
"Then I must proceed alone."
The Archmage tries once more: "Seldrid, please—"
But Seldrid has already turned away, his robes billowing as he strides toward the temple's exit. "Save your concern for those who need it."
Dennis remains frozen, the ghost of that gentle touch still lingering on his head, watching the last glimpse of the real Seldrid disappear through the sacred doorway.
The Archmage sighs heavily. "He's lost to us."
No, Dennis thinks desperately, he's not. He can't be. Not Seldrid.
But deep down, in the part of himself he doesn't want to acknowledge, he knows the Archmage is right. The man who just walked out of this temple isn't the same person who walked in.
And Dennis is terrified of what he's becoming.
The Return of Seldrid
With his memories returning, Dennis recalls part of the town layout - specifically, where Seldrid’s office is. We head there - the door is locked. Before The Captain can whip his tool out again, Dennis reaches above the lintel and retrieves the spare key.
Beyond the doorway is a spacious office, filled with bookshelves, which are themselves filled with books. Dennis is initially excited to collect them for Rusty, but first decides to cull all the weird Mind Flayer religious texts. Once done, there are no books left. The depression is crushing.
The atmosphere in the office brings on another case of deja vu for Dennis:
The Secret Journal
The candlelight flickers across the parchment as Dennis carefully transcribes another line of Seldrid's research notes, his quill scratching methodically in the quiet study. His eyes burn from hours of work, but he pushes through—this is important research, or so he keeps telling himself.
"I'll be back within the hour," Seldrid announces, adjusting his formal robes. "The council grows tedious, but appearances must be maintained."
Dennis nods without looking up. "I'll have these finished by then."
The door closes with a soft thud, leaving Dennis alone with the dancing shadows and the scratch of his quill. He works in silence for several minutes before his ink well runs dry. He opens the desk drawer to retrieve a fresh bottle and freezes. The drawer is stuck—or rather, it's shorter than it should be. His fingers probe the back panel until he finds the hidden catch. The compartment clicks open, revealing a journal bound in what looks like black leather, though something about the texture makes his skin crawl. The script on the cover seems to... shift when he's not looking directly at it.
He opens it anyway.
The first page makes his blood run cold. The handwriting is definitely Seldrid's, but the words...
"Day 23: Successful communion with the entities dwelling in the space between thoughts. They speak of unity, of transcendence beyond the flesh..."
Dennis's hands shake as he turns the page.
"Day 31: The illithid biotechnology integrates remarkably well with elven magical matrices. Subject expired during the procedure, but the cellular fusion held for nearly an hour..."
Page after page reveals the horrible truth. Seldrid isn't fighting the illithids—he's learning from them. Adapting their methods. The research notes Dennis has been transcribing are just the sanitized version. This... this is the real work.
"Day 47: The subjects scream when the transformation begins, but once the process is complete, they thank me. They understand. They see the beauty of what we're becoming..."
The journal slips from Dennis's nerveless fingers, hitting the floor with a dull thud that seems to echo like thunder in the sudden silence.
Footsteps in the corridor. Coming closer.
Dennis scrambles to pick up the journal, trying to get it back into the hidden compartment, but his hands won't stop shaking and—
The door opens.
Seldrid steps inside, takes one look at Dennis kneeling beside the desk with the journal clutched in his trembling hands, and his face goes perfectly, terrifyingly blank.
"You couldn't leave well enough alone."
Then Seldrid's fury erupts like a psychic supernova.
The mental lash hits Dennis like a physical blow, driving him to his knees as agony explodes through his skull. He can't scream—the pain is beyond sound, beyond thought. Reality fractures around the edges as Seldrid's power tears through his mind.
When it stops, Dennis finds himself curled on the floor, shaking uncontrollably. "You lack vision," Seldrid whispers, and suddenly his hands are gentle again, helping Dennis sit up.
"One day you'll understand the necessity."
The kindness in his voice is genuine, which makes it absolutely horrifying. This isn't cruelty—this is Seldrid truly believing he's doing the right thing. That the experiments, the communing with alien entities, the transformation of living beings into something else entirely... it's all necessary.
"Next time you feel the urge to go through my private research..." Seldrid's smile doesn't reach his eyes. "Don't.”
Dennis, now remembering the presence of a secret compartment and to open it, looks in the hidden desk drawer. Within, he finds another journal - this one, written by him.
The Absolutely Brilliant Decision-Making Skills of Seldrid (or: How to fuck up a perfectly good city in record time)
So gather 'round, kids, because we're about to dive into one of history's most spectacular displays of "hold my beer and watch this" decision-making. Meet the great city of Thaan - a place that had everything going for it until one absolute genius decided to throw it all away for the dumbest reason imaginable.The Good Times (AKA Before Everything Went to Shit)
Picture this: you've got this badass ancient city full of people with psychic powers. Yeah, actual mind magic, not some crystal-waving nonsense. These Thaani had built themselves a proper fortress against the nastiest neighbors in the multiverse - the illithids, those squid-faced brain-munchers. For generations, these psychic badasses kept the mind flayers at bay with their mental mojo. Life was good, citizens were happy, and everyone's brains stayed firmly inside their skulls where they belonged. You know, like a functioning society should work.The "Peace" That Should've Been a Red Flag
But then something weird happened - the illithid attacks just... stopped. Did the Thaani think, "Hmm, that's suspicious as hell, maybe we should investigate"? Nope. Instead, these absolute morons threw themselves a victory party and called it a day. Because nothing says "strategic thinking" like assuming your mortal enemies just decided to take up knitting instead of brain-eating.Enter Our "Hero": Seldrid the Spectacularly Stupid
Now we meet the star of our shitshow: Seldrid, a mentalist so skilled he could probably reorganize your sock drawer with his mind. This guy was Thaan's golden boy - legendary raids, thwarting evil schemes, the whole nine yards. But here's where it gets fucking hilarious: this champion of his people looked at the illithids - creatures that literally eat brains and turn people into mind slaves - and thought, "You know what? These guys have the right idea about mental discipline." I shit you not, this is like looking at a serial killer and going, "Wow, I really admire their work ethic."The Brilliant Scientific Method of "Let's See What Happens"
So what does our boy Seldrid do with this galaxy-brain revelation? He starts experimenting on criminals and vagrants, naturally. Because nothing says "I'm definitely the good guy" like unauthorized brain surgery on society's most vulnerable. The experiments didn't work worth a damn, but did that stop him? Of course not! Failure is just motivation for really determined idiots.The Night Everything Went Sideways
On one particularly dark night (because of course it was), Seldrid decides to take a little field trip to the illithid stronghold. You know, for research purposes. What he finds there is the equivalent of walking into your enemy's house and discovering they're on life support. The Elder Brain - basically the illithids' psychic overlord - was dying. Any reasonable person would've thought, "Sweet, problem solved!" and headed home for a beer. But not our Seldrid. This absolute madman looks at a dying alien hivemind and thinks, "I can fix this." Here comes the part where Seldrid's remaining brain cells apparently went on strike. He proposes to the desperate illithids that he'll help save their Elder Brain by feeding it Thaani brains. The illithids, being pragmatic brain-eaters, agree with one tiny condition: Seldrid goes first. And this magnificent bastard actually says yes. He literally volunteers to get his brain scooped out and mixed into an alien smoothie. It's like offering to be the first test subject for a parachute made of tissue paper.The Birth of the God-Brain
Dawn breaks over Thaan, which is poetic as fuck because it's the last dawn these people will ever see as free-thinking individuals. Seldrid's brain gets the VIP treatment - straight into the core of the failing Elder Brain. The moment his consciousness merges with that dying psychic collective, he realizes the full scope of how completely fucked everything is. The Elder Brain wasn't just sick; it was basically a vegetable with delusions of grandeur. But here's the kicker: instead of immediately regretting every life choice that led to this moment, Seldrid's ego kicks into overdrive. Suddenly he's got the power of a god and the decision-making skills of a toddler with a flamethrower. Within hours, every telepath in Thaan is down for the count, and the entire population gets hit with Ceremorphism - which is basically cosmic horror's version of a really aggressive MLM scheme where everyone gets tentacle face.The Grand Failure Spectacular
You'd think becoming a psychic god-thing would make Seldrid's dreams come true, right? Wrong. Every time he tries to add another Thaani brain to his collection, they immediately nope out of existence from sheer horror. It's like his victims took one look at what he'd become and chose death over joining his twisted book club. The non-psychic citizens? Even more useless to his grand plan. His attempts to grant them illithid abilities failed spectacularly, proving that you can't polish a turd, even with cosmic power.The Mists Roll In (Because Things Weren't Bad Enough)
As if this clusterfuck needed a cherry on top, the Mists of Ravenloft show up like some cosmic HR department. These supernatural forces took one look at Seldrid's betrayal and said, "Oh hell no, this needs to be contained." Cue the ominous fog rolling through Thaan's streets, because apparently the universe has a sense of dramatic irony.Seldrid's Eternal Timeout
And here's where the story gets beautifully fucked up: Seldrid, now calling himself the "God-Brain" (because apparently his ego survived the transformation), exists as a massive pile of black, fibrous tissue floating in brine like the world's most disturbing pickle. This supreme being - this would-be savior of his people - can't even leave his fucking jar.The Moral of Our Story
So there you have it, folks: the tale of how one man's admiration for brain-eating aliens led to the destruction of an entire civilization. Seldrid wanted to create a supreme race and instead became the universe's most elaborate example of why you should never trust someone who thinks the bad guys have "interesting ideas." His dream of human-illithid unity became his eternal nightmare, trapped forever in a domain where his greatest achievement is being able to mentally eavesdrop on his victims. It's like being the world's most powerful creep, imprisoned in a basement of his own making. And the best part? He did it all to himself. No tragic prophecy, no unavoidable fate - just one man's spectacular ability to make the worst possible choice at every single opportunity.The Writer's Confession
Now here's where shit gets really personal, because I haven't been entirely honest with you fine folks. You see, I wasn't just some random historian digging through dusty tomes and secondhand accounts of this cosmic fuckup. I was actually there. Yeah, that's right - your humble narrator was Seldrid's companion and familiar throughout this entire goddamn nightmare. I watched this brilliant bastard make every single catastrophically stupid decision in real time. For years, I followed this man around like a loyal puppy, thinking he was some kind of visionary genius. I was there during his legendary raids, cheering him on as he thwarted illithid schemes. I genuinely believed we were the good guys in this story. How fucking naive was I? I should've seen the warning signs when he started getting that weird gleam in his eye every time he talked about illithid "discipline" and "mental superiority." I should've noped the hell out when he began those basement experiments on criminals. But no, I stuck around like some enabler with Stockholm syndrome, convinced that my buddy Seldrid knew what he was doing. The night he decided to take his little field trip to the illithid stronghold? I tried to talk him out of it. I literally said, "Hey, maybe walking into the enemy's lair when they've gone suspiciously quiet isn't the smartest play." But did he listen to his faithful companion who'd been by his side through thick and thin? Of course fucking not. I watched him make that deal with the mind flayers, watched him volunteer his own brain for their cosmic smoothie experiment, and all I could think was: "This is it. This is how I die. Following an idiot into the stupidest suicide pact in the history of bad ideas." So now here I am, writing this whole mess down, still trying to process the fact that I was best friends with the guy who single-handedly destroyed our entire civilization because he had a weird crush on brain-eating aliens. The man I thought was a hero turned out to be the villain of his own story, and I was apparently the comic relief sidekick too stupid to realize we weren't in a heroic epic - we were in a fucking horror story. But no, I stayed loyal right up until the bitter end, because apparently my survival instincts were about as functional as Seldrid's decision-making skills. So there you have it - the complete, unvarnished truth from someone who had a front-row seat to this spectacular display of how not to save your civilization. Take it from someone who learned this lesson the hard way: when your best friend starts admiring the enemy's "methods," it's time to find new friends. Preferably ones who don't want to merge consciousness with alien hiveminds.Dennis reads the entire book to the party. Sucks to be them.
It is now abundantly clear that Seldrid is alive somewhere, and the big bad in this arc. Following the standard norm of reversing the name when we want to indicate badness, we re-christen him Dirdles.
The Captain Leads!
The Captain gets very emotional at this point and strides about the study, giving an impassioned speech, shaking party members by the shoulders, and staring into their eyes with great intensity. We are all appropriately inspired, and get some temp HP, which is nice. The we charge forth to do battle with the dark lord Dirdles.
We reason that Dirdles will be in his laboratory. On the way down the stairs, The Captain takes the lead and starts swinging his rapier at anything that moves. There’s nothing moving, so he upgrades to swinging it at things that don’t move, which is why he brutally murdered a bunch of moss lining the walls of the tunnel we are in. Dirdles must have noticed us at this point, because we all have to make Intelligence saves.
In defiance of our prior record, we all roll appallingly. Only Louie makes his save, which is why he is left watching the party wander off in different directions, doing truly stupid things. The Captain heads deeper in to the complex, Dennis turns around and leaves, Raymond starts swinging from the ceiling by his tongue (incidentally blocking the passage), and Horus starts chatting to Gary, sounding much more coherent than he normally does.
Louie uses one of the scrolls of Greater Restoration to restore Raymond, and sends him off to recapture Dennis. Louie chases after The Captain. Nobody cares about Horus. Raymond succeeds in lassoing the flying Dennis and dragging him back to where Horus remains.
The Captain wanders into the laboratory at eh bottom of the stairway, and sees a huge pile of gold coins. “Treasure!”. The gold coins giggle and start gesturing for The Captain to come closer. “Treasure FRIENDS!” He is just about to go full Scrooge McDuck and dive into the pile of smiling, toothy gold pieces, when Louie rounds the bend at a full sprint and quickly casts Moonbeam on the pile. It instantly reverts to whatever the natural form of Mimics are, which was apparently too Eldritch for Louie or The Captains brains to comprehend, because they can’t recall. By the time we get back, the Moonbeam has done so much damage to the immobilized Mimics that they are nothing more than a disgusting goop on the floor.
Louie drags The Captain back to where the rest of the party is congregated on the stairs, and it’s scrolls of Greater Restoration all around. Feebleminded no more! Better - we are now immune to Feeblemind for the next 24 hours.
Where is that bastard?
The party heads down to the lab, and all they find on the slab is the aforementioned Mimic goop. We search the room for hidden passages. Where is Dirdles? Nothing is found.
Ah hah! He feebleminded us on the steps! Admittedly that spell has a pretty long range, but you have to be able to see the target! He must have been there, peeking through a peephole! We race back to where we were Feebleminded, and search for secret passages. Nothing! How did he do it? It turns out, it was effectively The Captain who feebleminded us all. Remember he was swinging his rapier, and savaged an innocent clump of moss? It wasn’t so innocent! It is a genetic experiment that Dirdles made, that feebleminds passersby. Damn it! No Dirdles! How will we find him?
We console ourselves by taking as many samples of the moss as we can, just in case Rusty can replicate or grow it. Ethan was initially very excited to think he might infest Louie’s portable hole with brain draining moss, but then very disappointed when Dennis produced some vials from his poisoners kit to use.
As a side note, Dennis has another flashback while down in the lab:
All Dirdles followers are complete idiots
The circular chamber feels oppressive this deep beneath the city, carved stone walls seeming to press inward despite the spacious dimensions. Dennis shifts nervously as he watches Seldrid make final adjustments to the pulsating crystal at the room's center
Three elven volunteers sit in chairs arranged around the crystal, their faces bright with trust and anticipation. Dennis knows all of them: Lyralei from the archives, Theron the young battle-mage, and Silviana, barely past her first century.
"This will strengthen our mental defenses against illithid control," Seldrid explains to them, his voice carrying that resonant confidence Dennis once found so reassuring. "You'll be the first to receive this protection, and through you, we can safeguard all of Thaan."
Lyralei nods eagerly. "We're honored to serve, Master Seldrid."
No, Dennis thinks, a cold dread settling in his stomach as he watches Seldrid's hands dance over the crystal's surface. Something's wrong. This feels wrong.
"Seldrid," Dennis says quietly, stepping closer. "Are you certain about the resonance frequency? It seems higher than—"
"I've calculated everything precisely," Seldrid cuts him off without looking up. "Trust me."
The crystal begins to pulse with increasing intensity, bathing the chamber in waves of sickly light. At first, the volunteers' expressions remain calm, almost blissful.
"I can feel it," Theron breathes, wonder in his voice. "My thoughts are so much clearer. I can sense everything—the city above, the people..."
Silviana laughs, a sound of pure joy. "It's beautiful. I never imagined—"
Then the screaming starts.
Lyralei jerks forward in her chair, her eyes rolling back as an inhuman shriek tears from her throat. Theron follows seconds later, his body convulsing as if electricity is coursing through him.
"Seldrid!" Dennis shouts, lunging toward the crystal. "Stop it! Something's wrong!"
But Seldrid doesn't move. He stands perfectly still, watching with clinical detachment as Silviana joins the chorus of agony, her young face contorting in ways that shouldn't be possible.
Dennis reaches for the crystal's control matrix, but Seldrid's hand clamps down on his wrist with crushing force.
"Don't interfere," Seldrid says calmly, as if the screams filling the chamber are nothing more than background noise.
"They're dying!" Dennis struggles against his grip, but Seldrid's strength seems inhuman.
One by one, the screaming stops. Not because the pain has ended—Dennis can see that much in their eyes—but because something deeper has shattered. Lyralei stares blankly at the ceiling, breathing but empty. Theron's mouth hangs open, a thin line of drool escaping. Silviana sits perfectly still, her consciousness simply... gone.
The crystal's pulsing slows, then stops.
"A setback," Seldrid says clinically, examining them. "But their sacrifice advances our knowledge."
We depart in defeat
Unable to find Dirdles, we go back up the stairs to the surface. Waiting there is an elf. This one isn’t translucent, though - he’s real. He bows and says “Welcome, honored guests, to the eternal city of Thaan. I am Jarus, the God Brains Personal Butler and I extend an invitation to join our glorious evolution.” Also, this fucker has weird eyes.
Never mind, we found a local guide
He leads the way to a new part of the city. There are Mind Flayers everywhere. They’re staring at us with undisguised hate, but appear to be restrained from harming us. The party stares back with reciprocal malice, except for Louie who pokes out his tongue and jeers “Nah nah nah nah nah!” This releases the tension - the Mind Flayers are even more incensed, but the party is laughing their asses off.
A little further on, The Captain leans over to Jaris an mutters softly “Move and you’re gay”. Jaris, the homophobic shithead that he is, freezes in place. We leave him behind, because it’s pretty obvious where we’re going by now. We round a corner and see what appears to be a pretty normal public swimming pool - huge, poorly maintained, and filled with unidentifiable bodily excretions. Also, unexplainably, a big brain. Oh wait, that’s Dirdles. Gee, you’d think he would clean up the place if he was expecting visitors.
Dennis, upon seeing Dirdles, has another flashback - his. final lost memory:
The second reading of the book
The sight before him still makes his stomach turn—Seldrid, or what's left of him, hunched in that grotesque briney vat like some cosmic pickle gone wrong.
This used to be my friend, Dennis thinks, clutching the worn manuscript tighter against his chest. This thing used to be the hero of Thaan.
"I needed you," Seldrid's voice whispers directly into his mind, desperate and pleading. "I thought you'd stand by me."
The psychic touch feels like ice water in his skull, and Dennis jerks back instinctively. When he looks at the God-Brain—really looks—all he sees is a grotesque mass of black tissue floating in brine, reaching out with invisible tentacles of thought.
"I see only a husk where my friend once lived," Dennis says, his voice colder than he intended. The words taste bitter, but they're true.
He throws the manuscript onto the stone table with a sharp thwack that echoes through the chamber.
"I wrote this," he continues, tapping the pages. "Your own personal memoir. I call it 'The Absolutely Brilliant Decision-Making Skills of Seldrid AKA The Fall of Thaan.' You should hear about your exploits."
Seldrid's psychic presence recoils, but Dennis is already opening to the first page, his voice taking on that same irreverent tone that got him through writing the damned thing.
"'So gather 'round, kids, because we're about to dive into one of history's most spectacular displays of hold my beer and watch this decision-making...'"
With each word, Dennis feels Seldrid's mental anguish growing, pressing against his consciousness like a physical weight. But he doesn't stop. He can't stop.
"'Meet the great city of Thaan—a place that had everything going for it until one absolute genius decided to throw it all away for the dumbest reason imaginable...'"
"Stop," Seldrid's mental voice wavers, barely a whisper.
Dennis keeps reading, his voice growing sharper with each line. "'This champion of his people looked at the illithids—creatures that literally eat brains and turn people into mind slaves—and thought, You know what? These guys have the right idea about mental discipline.'"
"Please—"
"'It's like looking at a serial killer and going, Wow, I really admire their work ethic.'"
The psychic pressure in the chamber suddenly spikes, and Dennis can feel Seldrid's rage building like a storm about to break.
"How dare you!" Seldrid's mental roar nearly drives Dennis to his knees. The God-Brain's mass writhes in its vat, brine sloshing violently. "You are my familiar and I am your summoner! You will respect me and love me!"
"Respect?" Dennis laughs, but there's no humor in it. "Love? You want me to love the thing that murdered our entire civilization for a fucking science experiment?"
Their minds clash like opposing forces, Dennis's fury meeting Seldrid's desperation in a violent psychic explosion. The chamber fills with crackling energy as years of suppressed rage finally find their target.
Dennis feels his fist connect with something—the edge of the vat, maybe, or one of the twisted appendages that used to be Seldrid's body. Pain shoots up his arm, but he doesn't care. Nothing matters except getting this poison out of his system.
"You destroyed everything!" Dennis shouts, throwing another wild punch. "Everyone we knew, everyone we loved—all of it gone because you couldn't resist playing with monsters!"
Seldrid's psychic lash catches him across the temple, sending him staggering backward. Stars explode behind his eyes, but the physical pain is almost a relief compared to the mental anguish that's been eating at him for so long.
"You don't understand!" Seldrid's voice is breaking, desperate. "I was trying to save us! I was trying to make us stronger!"
"By turning us into them?" Dennis wipes blood from his split lip, backing toward the chamber's exit. "By feeding our people to an alien hivemind? That was your grand plan for salvation?"
The psychic pressure increases, trying to hold him in place, but Dennis has had enough. Years of loyalty, years of making excuses, years of watching his best friend transform into a monster—all of it crystallizes into a single moment of perfect clarity.
He needs to run. Now.
"I'm done," Dennis says, his voice steady despite the chaos around him. "I'm done enabling this. I'm done pretending you're still the person I once knew."
"Don't leave me!" The desperation in Seldrid's mental voice is heartbreaking, but Dennis forces himself to turn away. "Dennis, please! You're all I have left!"
"No," Dennis says without looking back. "You chose this. You chose them over us.
He runs for the exit, Seldrid's psychic screams following him down the corridor like the wails of the damned. The manuscript lies forgotten on the stone table, its pages fluttering in the supernatural wind that always seems to follow moments of absolute betrayal.
As Dennis flees into the night, he can still hear Seldrid calling his name—not with his voice, but with his mind, reaching across the darkness with invisible fingers of thought and regret.
But Dennis doesn't stop running.
For the first time in years, he feels free.
The Final Climactic Showdown
Dirdles tries very hard to talk to us and convince Dennis to return to him, but the party isn’t in a sympathetic mood.
Initiative! Dennis wins with 29, The Captain is next on 27, Dirdles comes after that on 22 (but don’t worry kids, he’ll have lots of Legendary actions). Then it’s Raymond on 21, Horus and Gary on 20, Louie on 15, and Vilgax taking his customary support role position on 10.
Dirdles instructs his Mind Flayer followers not to interfere. Boy, is he going to regret that later.
Dennis punches the brain. It has seen Dennis coming, because it is resistant to force damage, and necrotic (from his Hand of Harm) heals it. Strangely it is not immune to stun, but it does have very good saving throws.
The Captain starts to even the playing field a bit by casting Bane on it, which sticks. Then he hits it with a sneak attack, but Dirdles uses a Portent to make the attack miss. So The Captain hits him again.
Dirdles spits at The Captain. Gross, dude! It’s nasty shit, too. The Captain takes some major damage. Then he alters the terrain - essentially a short range teleport for him. He’s behind us! He casts Hold Person on Louie, then slaps Louie with his tendrilly member. Eeeww! He rolls a crit, too - but Louie has no truck with criticals done to him, so it doesn’t count. Still does 50 damage, though, and sucks out 4 INT. Jokes on you, Dirdles, Louie doesn’t even use his brain!
Raymond moves next to Louie and takes a few swings at Dirdles, at which point it becomes apparent that Raymond is just useless without Blackrazor. We’re sorry, Blackrazor! If you come back, we’ll never call you Dickrazor again!
Louie attempts to save against Hold Person on his turn, but doesn’t, and stays where he is.
Seldrid has another mumbling attempt at persuading Dennis to come back to him, but for a guy with 18 CHA, he’s seriously unconvincing. In addition, he telekinetically grabs one of his followers and eats it, to heal himself. Dick move. You told them not to interfere! Dennis calls him out on it, too.
Dennis stops punching and tries stabbing Dirdles with his spear (full of poison) and his aberrant murdering whip. Neither do much.
The Captain decides to steal Dennis’ thing, and stabs Dirdles with the poison that we were given to use on Sennid. Dirdles fails his contested roll against The Captain, and now has all his bonuses halved. This is in addition to the -1d4 from The Captain’s Bane from last round. The Captain is shaping up to be MVP, and strengthens his position by hitting Dirdles. Vilgax decides to assist The Captain’s cause and throws a sneaky Haste on him. The Captain strikes again! Crit! This prevents Dirdles from using his Exhaustion attack next round.
Horus mounts up on Gary and fires Guiding Bolt at Dirdles. Another crit! Also, we discover Dirdles is vulnerable to Radiant damage, which excites Louie no end. The crit gives a nearby ally (The Captain) the opportunity to attack again, which he does. This is when we discover that Dirdles is also vulnerable to Thunder damage.
Dirdles tries to Banish Horus, but Horus isn’t done rolling 20s and saves like a boss. Then Dirdles hits The Captain for 43 psychic, but The Captain is resistant to that. How does that feel, Dirdles?
Raymond looks at the big brain in front of him, and notes the saving throw penalties The Captain has applied to it, and thinks dark thoughts. He pulls a vial of feeblemind moss out of his mouth, and lobs it into the vat. The look on Dirdles face (and by extension, Ethan’s face) was absolutely priceless. Dirdles fails his save, but pulls out a Legendary Resistance in a clutch moment to keep his mind. Phew.
Raymond lobs in another one. Dirdles fails again. He Legendary Resistances it again. That’s the end of Raymond’s turn, to Dirdles’ relief. That big fucking frog is going down before he gets another chance to do that!
It’s Louie’s go, and he’s been released from Hold Person at some point. Staring into what passes for Dirdles’ eyes, he slowly reaches into Raymond’s mouth and pulls out another vial. The crowd goes wild! Another hit! Another failed save! Another Legendary Resistance!
Smiling a huge shit-eating grin, Louie reaches back into Raymonds mouth one last time. Withdraws a vial of moss. Pops the top, stretches back with his arm, and lobs it in. With no Legendary Resistance remaining, that is the end of Dirdles.
Ethan retcons a bit more dialog back to the start of this round with Dennis - what was supposed to be his mid-point monologue. It’s a warning not to kill him, as it will destabilize the dark domains if we go around killing too many dread lords.
Then he lets Dirdles do his dying monologue now, which is a litany of regret, where Dirdles sees what he has become and apologises. Dennis isn’t just unmoved - he’s actively enraged by the narcissistic fucker. This was the whole problem, Dirdles! It’s not all about you!
As the God-Brain loses all control over the Mind Flayers surrounding us, they burst forward with hate in their eyes. Just before they reach the party, Vilgax cuts the top of his own head off, and jumps into the God-Brine. Once there, he pulls his own brain out, and merges with the defenceless God-Brain, taking it over. He halts the Mind Flayers again, and speaks to the party:
Thank you my friends. I can’t explain what I am feeling but I seem to be able to tap into the mists of this domain. Let’s see what we can do here.
The mists part, and we can see the Sea of Storms. The Captain knows these waters well, and is confident he can sail the Dreadnaught back to Mordent.
Vilgax places a commission with Dennis to get Rusty to make 100 more Rings of Nourishment.
Denoument.
The party makes their way back to Mordent. Uncle Ricky shows them how the freed domains are joining together. He has made a map, and Uncle Ricky’s cartography skills are second to none!
He tells Louie and Rusty that Hara’kir has been liberated, and unfortunately the people of Hara’kir - specifically the Muharan people - have been raiding our salt factories.
On a brighter note, we travel to Cletus’s farm - and Cletus is alive again!
The last item of note is that Bane contacts The Captain and informs him the Xal-ityth, the Mind Flayer that fled Bluetspur (and the guy that impersonated Bane), has been seen in the domain of Lamordia. He was seen in the presence of two Flumphs that he keeps as slaves. Unfortunately, nobody who has sailed to Lamordia has ever returned.