Where we demand to see the manager.

Before we started the session proper - even before our intrepid correspondent was able to recap last session - the party fades from our extant reality and find ourselves moving to a higher plane.

At this point, we probably should have expected it.

A description of what happens was helpfully provided:

The air around your party shimmers and tears, reality folding like parchment as an overwhelming presence draws you from wherever you stood into a realm beyond mortal comprehension. The silence here is profound, broken only by the gentle hum of cosmic forces at work, and the air itself tastes of fun and contentment—clean, electric, and impossibly ancient.

You find yourselves in a vast crystalline chamber that seems to exist between dimensions—its walls pulse with the soft light of what you think are distant stars at first but actually are icosahedrons, while beneath your feet stretches a floor of polished obsidian with words that you don’t understand. You can see faint reflections of not your images, but glimpses of two men and women. The same man for Dennis and Rusty. You notice in front of you at first in the reflection a man in a blue suit and as you look upwards

As your eyes adjust to the crystalline chamber’s ethereal light, the space before you begins to shift and coalesce with purpose. The air itself seems to thicken, charged with an energy that makes your skin tingle and your souls resonate like struck bells. Reality bends, and from the convergence of starlight and shadow emerges a figure that defies every concept of divinity you have ever conceived.

Ao stands before you, yet “stands” seems inadequate—he exists in this space, filling it with presence while simultaneously appearing to extend beyond its boundaries into dimensions your minds cannot grasp. His form towers above you, easily twelve feet in height, draped in robes that seem woven from the fabric of night itself. The deep hood that shrouds his features casts shadows that appear to contain glimpses of distant galaxies, swirling nebulae, and the birth and death of stars.

Beneath the hood, where a face should be, you perceive not features but pure concept made manifest. Occasionally, flickers of light suggest the outline of eyes—ancient beyond measure, holding the weight of infinite knowledge and the burden of cosmic responsibility. When these glimpses appear, they seem to look not at you but through you, seeing every choice you’ve ever made, every path you’ve ever walked, and every possibility that stretches ahead.

His garments flow and ripple with their own cosmic wind, the fabric appearing to be cut from the void between worlds. As you watch, symbols and equations of unfathomable complexity occasionally surface across the material—the fundamental mathematics that govern existence itself, visible for mere moments before dissolving back into the endless black.

Most striking of all are the countless dice that orbit Ao’s form like loyal satellites. These are not ordinary dice—each one glows with inner light, crafted from materials that exist beyond mortal understanding. Some appear to be carved from crystallized starlight, others from solidified shadow, and still others from substances that hurt to look at directly.

Twenty-sided, six-sided, four-sided, and dice with faces you cannot count drift through the air around him, occasionally chiming like distant bells when they brush against each other. Each roll seems to determine some aspect of reality—a life, a death, a victory, a tragedy—the cosmic randomness that allows free will to exist within the structure of fate.

Further notes are added to fill the party in on world lore that the characters should know. The players probably should know it too, but we never pay attention.

Ao (pronounced “AY-oh”) is known as the Overgod of Abeir-Toril. He is also called “The Hidden One” or “The One Who Is Hidden” He exists above all other gods in the divine hierarchy.

Ao’s primary role is maintaining cosmic balance within Realmspace. He created the crystal sphere containing Abeir-Toril and governs it. After the Time of Troubles, Ao established that gods now depend on mortal worship for their power. The rule doesn’t apply to Ao himself - he needs no worship to exist. However it is rumored that Ao has a symbiotic relationship that requires 4 beings of immense willpower and a capabilities to maintain and allow the universe to exist and can only be destroyed at the discretion of the those 4 beings known as the members.. These members are always incarnated in some instance.

History has shown that Ao does not often get involved in the affairs of his universe he is simultaneously True Good, True Evil and True Neutral always working behind the scenes creating the barebones structure and foundation of everyones story and allowing the dice to fall where they may. The only times he does get involved is when he is heralding a new age such as after the time of troubles.

When he speaks, his voice resonates not through your ears but directly into your souls, carrying the weight of absolute cosmic law but also there seems to be a hint of being able to interrupt to talk shit, say something is stupid or make a silly joke.

We all work very hard to ensure our universe exists so we can experience it and weave tales of adventure. I want you to know I will be distracted at times and will require the members patience. But I as your Overgod must bring to my members attention that will affect the world as we know it, decipher this godsend so that I may imbue you each with wishes.

We are presented with this carved tablet of holy wisdom:

Tablet of Arcane Wisdom

We spend about 20 minutes decoding it.

It turns out to say: “noos gnimoc tsruhgnol ybab ytrap ruo gninoij si rebmem wen a”.

But as we all know, Ao is a bit backward, so the message is obviously: “A new member is joining the party. Baby Longhurst is coming soon.”

Time was spent congratulating Selena.

Ao awards every player (not character) with a wish to use at some future time. In addition, he grants the party a unique magic item - a Potions Cache. Louie is tasked with managing it.

Back to adventure!

The Marut speaks! Oh, that’s right, he spouts occasional nonsense. What’s he talking about this time?

Your existence is illogical. You put everything at risk. Die Motherfucker.

That may be slightly paraphrased, but that was the gist.

Everyone in the room (which is Dennis, Louie and The Captain) take 45 radiant damage, and The Captain, who failed his Wisdom save, is stunned.

Rusty starts running flat out back to the fight, using his Expeditious Retreat spell, except he’s using it to advance. It’s against the spirit of the spell, but not the wording!

Louie is currently slowed, but he hits the Marut anyway, then runs into the corner and hides.

The Captain finally rolls badly on his d6/d100, and is teleported all the way to Room 4 (which Rusty just ran out of). He is also currently stunned, so his movement reduced to 0’. Rusty passes on the knowledge that Dispel Magic can be used to remove the random teleportation effect, but doesn’t turn back to actually help. Horus is there, he can handle it. The Captain (who can’t cast magic) drinks a Potion of Healing.

Louie, who is standing against the wall next to the room that The Captain is in, makes a spectacular perception roll to notice that The Captain’s aura is closeish, and that he is trying to make a save against that teleportation effect. He pulses his aura to a wider radius, bringing The Captain into range through the wall. The addition of his aura bonus, and a flash of genius from Rusty, lets The Captain save - he is no longer teleporting! Or stunned!

Dennis whips the ever-loving shit out of the Marut, then ducks over to the corner with Louie.

Horus and Gary get teleported to - Room 4! It’s the hot holiday destination, it seems. He casts Bless on The Captain and Rusty’s disappearing back end.

Vilgax follows that up by casting Haste on The Captain and Rusty’s butt.

The Marut has run out of riddles, and returns to the beginning (we never solved that one, so he reduce/reuse/recycles it - it’s the responsible thing to do).

A crime is committed in a realm where all laws are known, all evidence is preserved, and all judges are incorruptible. Yet justice cannot be served. The criminal is guilty, the victim demands retribution, and the law is clear. Why does justice fail?

We don’t fucking know. We couldn’t answer this before! We have a bit of a go, and I think we got close enough this time to prevent regeneration.

Then he absolutely murders Dennis, who drops.

Rusty, sprinting into the room like a low flying jet, fires lightning at the Marut, but misses every time. Bugger. The Marut, who had been ignoring Rusty, does not ignore the lightning bolts hitting the wall around him, and turns his focus on our intrepid artificer. That’s right, asshole, I’ve got your attention now, don’t I? You just wait until I get my eye in! The Marut apparently agrees, and uses a time manipulation power to force Rusty to use his next turn to repeat exactly what he did this turn. Oh. That’s maybe not so good.

Raymond was teleported away, but not far enough. He runs back in and starts swinging Blackrazor. Blackrazor, once released from Raymond’s gullet, recognises the Marut and is pissed. He hastes Raymond, so Raymond has another go at the Marut. He hits the Marut twice, and the Necrotic damage does double. The last hit was a crit, which blinds the Marut for next turn. Nice! The Marut responds with:

Marut components compromised. Taken substantial vulnerability damage. Must patch until next performance.

That, unfortunately, makes him immune to necrotic damage until his next turn.

Louie crawls over Dennis’ inert body to get to Raymond, but has the grace to pour a healing potion down Dennis’ gullet on the way. He climbs aboard Raymond.

The Captain starts running, but his full move doesn’t quite get him to where he wants to go. Then he feels an itch in his loins brain, and he accepts the mutation offered. He gets another turn, so he runs into the room and stabs the Marut. Then he hides.

The Marut casts Slow on everyone it can see, which is Dennis (fails), Rusty (saves), Raymond (fails) and Louie (saves).

Dennis hits the Marut twice (his action) and then uses his half move to get to where Louie is, where he takes advantage of Louie’s aura to save against the Slow effect.

At this point the Marut uses a Legendary Save to escape the tentacles he is tangled in. I do not recall when they were put there, but I’m pretty sure it was Horus and his creepy Warlock adjacent abilities. Gary casts Healing Spirits.

The Marut escapes from the tentacle location.

Rusty is forced to repeat his last turn, which was: run like a bastard; shoot the Marut. He does that - and even replicates last rounds result of missing every shot. Ha!

Louie hits the Marut, and crits it again, shutting down its automatic damage attack for another turn. Raymond hits once from three tries. The Marut, after taking Necrotic damage again, makes itself immune to Necrotic damage for another turn.

The Captain hits the Marut with sneak attacks, and casts Bane on the Marut, meaning it has -1d4 to attack rolls and saving throws.

Dennis has a go and hits 2 from 5 attempts.

Horus chronal shifts Raymond to let him hit again. He crits the Marut, and for some reason gets Lawnmower Manned. +3 Wisdom, and proficiency with Wisdom saving throws. Wow.

Horus then fireballs the Marut.

Vilgax heals Dennis.

The Marut regenerates, but the party argues the DM down on how much because his riddle was stupid.

Rusty is forced, once again, to repeat his actions from 2 turns ago. He runs until he runs into the northern wall, then shoots lightning at the Marut. It took 2 inspiration, but he manages to miss every shot.

Louie backs up a bit so he can shoot the Marut with his bow, then moves forward again so Raymond can hit it with Blackrazor. And does he hit it! He smacks the Marut like a bitch up and down the room, and the last swing goes right into the Marut’s eye.

As it dies, it says:

Turning yourselves in is the only reasonable choice. More will come.

Sure, you overgrown wind-up toy. We smashed you, we’ll smash your friends too.

Blackrazor is very happy indeed about murdering the Marut. Raymond gets 4 times when he can activate Haste when he wants to, instead of when Blackrazor wants to. Then black shadows flow out of Blackrazor and slide underneath each of the characters. Do we consent to the shadow?

Rusty heals Dennis, and Dennis consents to the shadow. Rusty sighs, but he also consents. The Captain eagerly consents, because he’s probably half Mind Flayer and half Demon by now. Horus is having an existential crisis - again - so it’s unclear if he consents or not. Vilgax steps out of the shadow - which is slightly concerning. Raymond consents.

Every character gets +1 to one skill of their choice. Everyone except Oriana and Minion get 100 temp HP.

What were we here for again?

We venture further into the complex. Rounding the corner of a corridor shows us the final chamber. It is eerily silent. There is a raised dais in the centre of the room with a grotesque control panel on its surface. The roof is a series of holographic displays, showing the simulated lives of the Revallians trapped in the sarcophagi around the edges of the room. Two Mind Flayers operate the control panel.

By this stage, we’re no loner in the mood to be careful or merciful. Louie races in and smashes the ankles of both the Mind Flayers. Dennis strikes one with his Astral Cord Whip, and actually decapitates it. The Captain thrusts his Rapier right through the other Mind Flayer’s skull, and then sucks its brain out through the hole. What’s good for the goose, etc. The Captain gets +1 Intelligence. Horus gets nausea. Vilgax throws up. Dennis offers his Mind Flayers head to The Captain too, but The Captain is getting a bit of reflux and politely declines.

Vilgax takes a look at the control panel, and says there are three options:

  1. Disengage Security Protocols
  2. Release
  3. Purge.

Vilgax asks the party what he should do, and there’s a pregnant pause as everyone looks warily at The Captain, but he’s too burpy to say anything stupid. Vilgax releases the captives first, then attempts to purge their data from the core - but the system informs us that we cannot do so without DNA verification from Sinned.

Rusty finds some memory crystals, and proceeds to read the memories from them:

Rusty is in a room, surrounded by Mind Flayers. He feels compelled to obey their directives - but cannot recall why? The Mind Flayers were chanting low, impossible to understand phrases - oh no. They screamed “FUCK! FUCK! I FORGOT THE THING! FUCK!”

That is canon now.

Rusty pops out of the memories. The Revallians are all exiting their tubes with varying levels of coherence and grace. The Captain hears a scratching noise coming from outside the chamber, and we all turn to see the Marut, dragging itself with its arms into the chamber. As it reaches the room entrance, it says:

Self Destruct in 3..2..1..

The Captain uses Bigby’s Forceful Hand to try and push it out of the room. Raymond spits an eyeball at it.

What?

We’d all forgotten, but Raymond had not. Way back in Session 2, when we killed the Clockwork Beholder on Cyre 1313, we picked up a bunch of eyeballs that could be used to cast spells.

Raymond got one that could cast Forcecage, and that is what he just spat at the Marut’s body.

It was trapped inside the cage, then there was a brilliant flash of light. Once the internal temperature of the forcecage had dropped to a survivable level again, Raymond opened it up. That’s a lot of smelted Mizzium for Rusty.

In addition, Raymond gets +1 Intelligence for being MVP again.

Where should we put the Revallians?

Some of the Revallians are argumentative, but by this point the party are incredibly persuasive or intimidating god-like entities, and we whip them into line pretty smartly.

Esmerelda says that she hasn’t seen us for 15 months. Only a week or so has passed for us. Rusty does some quick math and determines there is a 100:1 time dilation effect. Esmerelda offers to take the Revallians out of the complex and camp where it is safe, where they will wait a while for us to finish up murdering Mind Flayers. Then we can all head back to Mordentshire. Sounds good to us.

Louie gives Stella the copy of “The Liches Love, A Necromantic Comedy” by Dr Sophie. Stella gives Dennis 5 instances of her special bleach, which is an instakill poison. Noice.

Come back next week for further adventures!