Golem Smash!

To start us off, Rusty hears a voice in head: “One man makes me, but does not need me. One man buys me, does not use me. One man uses me, does not see me. What man will you be?” It transpires, later, that the last sentence wasn’t actually part of the riddle, but just a vague threat. That only makes sense once you solve the riddle.

Anyway, combat! The Golem clubs Louie, and picks him up. Louie is now on death saves. Rusty, who was on the other side of the room at this point, misty-steps to Louie and hits him with a Cure Wounds. Raymond then joins the party by pulling us free of the Golem’s grasp, and we run up the passage (which is too small for the Golem). The Mother Aurumvorax hits Louie as he runs past, though, and he goes down again. She then drags his body underground.

The Golem hits the wall, causing a minor collapse of the tunnel, but everyone’s OK - except Louie, obviously. Rusty telepathically contacts the Mother Aurumvorax, and tells her to bring Louie back, or her kid is dead. One pretty fancy Intimidation/Persuasion roll later, and she’s on her way back, returning Louie with only 2 failed death saves (which he got automatically for being underground). Raymond feeds Louie a potion, and he’s back again!

We try ranged combat against the Golem, but he’s immune to arrows and electricity, which makes it hard. We therefore head back to the entryway shaft.

In the shaft we meet up with Miz, who just happens to be passing through. He can speak Dwarvish! He translated the welcome sign at the entry to the mine, which says: “Those who seek the Mithral must tread carefully. The Guardians of the past awake when the metal is disturbed. The price of greed is steep and many have paid with their lives. Leave this place or join the lost.”

Miz also exposits that Mithral Golems are weak to bludgeoning damage. Accordingly, Rusty whips up some slings (which as simple weapons, everyone is proficient in), and picks up a bunch of rocks. Louie picks up all the rocks, and puts them in his portable hole. Then he chats with Minion, and asks if opening a portable hole is technically “opening a door”. The almighty DM says yes, not realizing what a monster he has created.

Golem Smashed!

Miz fully heals everyone, and we head back for round 2 with that bloody Golem! Louie peeks around the corner to see where the Golem is and gets brained by a surprise sneak attack. Miz heals him a bit, and Louie then hits the Golem back. The Golem hits Louie again. Raymond has a swing but misses.

Minion flies up to the top of the cavern and hides in the shadows above the Golem. It should be noted at this point that he is carrying Louie’s portable hole. This will soon become important.

Rusty enters the room and hits the Golem. Miz has a swing too, but misses. Louie then uses his turn to cast Thaumaturgy, a famously non-offensive cantrip. Thaumaturgy has 6 possible effects, but number 5 is what is important here - and it is “You instantaneously cause an unlocked door or window to fly open or slam shut”. Louie opens the portable hole - upside down. A cylinder full of rocks, 6 feet in diameter and 10 feet deep, empties itself 40 feet above the Golem. Ethan makes an attempt at maths, but the whole thing is a bit hand-wavy. Louie rolls one metric fuck-ton of d6s (41d6), and gets exactly the amount needed (142 x2 because vulnerable to bludgeoning = 284HP) to kill the Golem. Die, motherfucker! Truly a glorious moment for frogs everywhere.

Denouement

We took a bunch of guesses to get the riddle, Rusty taking increasing amounts of psychic damage on each failed attempt. The answer was Coffin.

We try to take some of the Mithral Golem with us, which triggers another riddle: “What is it that given one, you’ll have either two or none?”

We leave the mine at this point. Apparently the answer is “choice”, which Scott asserts isn’t a valid answer, but whatever.

We stubbornly refuse to have Miz translate the Dwarvish Diaries we have. Book-learning is for sissies!