Blood for the Blood God!

We enter Heckna’s tent. He asks us to take a seat, but won’t give us our chair, so what was the point? Food appears on the tables.

Dennis decides to stack the deck, and draws 4 cards from the Deck of Wonder. Not well. He gained an Augury spell, but also disadvantage on intelligence saves, initiative, and -1d4 on all saves. Ouch.

The Captain, not to be out-done, draws a card from his deck, and gets Power Word Stun. Heckna has too many HP for it to affect, so he stuns a table instead. This was apparently sufficiently aggressive for Heckna to attack. Initiative!

The Captain gets 33, Louie gets 23, Dennis (with disadvantage) gets 21, and Heckna comes in stone motherless last.

The Captain, still fixated on the table, critical hits and kills it. It turns back into a person. OK. the critical allowed TC to do a follow up attack, so he hits another table. Kills it too, and it turns back into a person as well. Does Heckna even own any furniture? TC finishes his round by hiding underneath the last remaining table.

Raymond & Louie hit Heckna with a mace, and he explodes into confetti. That was suspiciously easy. Oh no, a perception roll reveals he has teleported to the corner where he is attempting - poorly - to hide. Louie & Raymond attack again.

Dennis spots where he has gone, comes up behind him, whispers “I can see you” and bites him. As a hiccoughing dog. He poofs away again, and whispers an activation phrase which Winter Soldiers Stella. She has a go at Dennis, but misses.

Heckna hits Louie with a natural 20! He was so happy, until Louie’s Mizzium armour negated the critical, at which point he was so sad. He did pretty good damage, none the less. Then he laughs, and incapacitates both Dennis & Raymond (neither of whom have very good CHA saves). Then he hits Louie again.

The Captain pops up and (using inspiration) hits Heckna again. This may be the only recorded instance where using inspiration has actually helped The Captain. Louie an Raymond follow up wit more damage to Heckna, and he responds by flinging acidic webs everywhere. This has the effect of allowing Dennis another save, which he makes. Nice!

Dennis attacks Heckna and succeeds in stunning him, then doing a crit. The crit makes him drop his hammer. Heckna ports away and throws an anvil at Dennis. We’ve seen this before - these things explode when they hit the ground. Dennis drops the hammer and catches the anvil, and then spends 2 ki points to redirect it back at Heckna. BOOM!

Stella take a shot at Raymond but misses, then briefly shakes off her conditioning to heal Dennis.

The Captain, from hiding, changes Heckna’s sound track to Pirates of the Carribean, which drives Heckna up the wall. Then TC heals himself. Louie hits Heckna and crits! Raymond hits Heckna too, and even though he doesn’t crit, does even more damage than Louie. Stella stabs Louie with bleach, but he’s immune to poison, so it has no effect. This was sufficiently surprising that it allowed her to shake off her conditioning a second time, and she heals Louie instead.

Heckna is a big fat cheat

Heckna decides that it’s time to pull out all the stops. He pulls out a candy wrapper - then things got weird. I’ll just explain what he did. The candy wrapper was a scroll of time stop. Heckna used that time to cast Nondetection and Greater Invisibility on himself. Then he cast Forcecage around Louie, Raymond and Stella, because Louie/Raymond had done the most damage so far. Then he cast delayed blast fireball, and finished off with Meteor Swarm - which, as a damaging spell, ends the Time Stop.

At this point, Louie and Raymond are both blind, and inside the Forcecage, they are protected from the unholy firestorm outside. They were confused as what the god-awful sound must have been.

The Captain and Dennis, outside the Forcecage, are subjected to an insane amount of fire attacks. To Ethan’s horror, he didn’t even get to roll the damage dice. Both Dennis and The Captain made all their saves, and as they both have Evasion, no damage was done. Heckna stood aghast, wondering what the hell just happened.

The Nondetection means that Raymond, our Heckna detector, is no longer working, and we can’t spot where he is. Dennis, seeing only one opponent, shadow steps into the Forcecage, and starts poking Stella gently with daggers. Stella returns the favour and petrifies Dennis.

The fall of The Captain

Heckna takes this opportunity to absolutely smash The Captain, dropping him. He then proceeds to whale on his corpse. The Captain is 2 death saves down!

Dennis and Louie are trying their best to escape the Forcecage and go to The Captain’s aid, but with Dennis petrified, there isn’t much they can do (once we remembered he was petrified, anyway).

Heckna laughs evilly and sets up the coup de grace by bringing a piano into existence above The Captain, and letting it fall. As it plummets towards him, we all salute a brave, fallen Captain.

Enter the Marionette

Suddenly, the Pirates of the Carribean theme song rings out again, played by Oriana, riding the piano down. She whips out a scroll of Power Word Heal, and The Captain is back in the fight! He rolls out from underneath the falling piano and Oriana backflips off it as it falls. She lands on The Captains shoulder. Heckna is so flabbergasted, he drops concentration on Greater Invisibility and reappears. It’s on now, Heckna!

Inside the Forcecage, Louie restores Dennis with Greater Restoration - which also removed his -1d4 to saves debuff. Nice! Dennis finally manages to stab Stella, poisoning her with Happy Times, a hallucinogenic that makes her think that everybody is a friend. She can be Winter Soldiered as much as she wants, because we’re all Hydra now, baby! Everyone but Dennis jumps in Louie’s portable hole, and Dennis shadow steps out of the Forcecage. Heckna’s delayed blast fireball, set for just this situation, goes off! But it’s only Dennis there, and that evasion is a really useful skill. Sorry, Ethan.

Dennis hits Heckna some more, and it’s finally enough. He wedges his head between the bars of the forcecage, and pulls on his big stupid feet so he’s stretched out horizontal. Raymond swings Blackrazor and bisects the clown vertically. Now we can fit one more body in the car!

That might have been a bit rash

Now that Heckna is dead, the entire world starts to unravel. We grab the chair and get the heck out of dodge, racing for the train station. On the way, we hitch Raymond and The Captain to Lock’s wagon and bring him along. Dennis and Orianna, along with her army of constructs, free as many of the caged animals as we can. Dennis then unlocks Ghery the Giant’s box so he can flee, but he’s too enthusiastic, and starts to squash smaller people. The Captain ankle taps him to slow him down. To the left, a horde of feral clowns are attacking citizens, but Heckna, wearing a very fashionable feather boa, tells them to knock that shit off, and they do.

We all get to the train, and we quickly hand over the chair and the throttle. The train won’t start! Gehry and Bigby’s Hand push start us, and as they get the train over the lip of the hill, it starts to accelerate. Gehry is being left behind - Rusty casts Levitate on him to reduce his weight, and Bigby’s Hand throws him into the train with a natural 20, and waves as we depart.

The next thing we know, the world has disintegrated. We fly through the mists, and crash into a dark, purple world. Welcome to Bluetspur.

And we all level up!